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Season 1 - Sep. 21, 2003
- play_arrowEps 1: Pilot
- play_arrowEps 2: Big Flappy Bastards
- play_arrowEps 3: Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
- play_arrowEps 4: If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song I'm Going to Take a Nap
- play_arrowEps 5: The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up With a Hump
- play_arrowEps 6: Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?
- play_arrowEps 7: If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake
- play_arrowEps 8: Twenty-Five Little Pre-pubers Without a Snoot-ful
- play_arrowEps 9: Phase One, Complete
- play_arrowEps 10: Merry Thanksgiving
- play_arrowEps 11: Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor
- play_arrowEps 12: Camel Filters + Pheromones
- play_arrowEps 13: Sara Like Puny Alan
- play_arrowEps 14: I Can't Afford Hyenas
- play_arrowEps 15: Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick
- play_arrowEps 16: That Was Saliva, Alan
- play_arrowEps 17: Ate The Hamburgers, Wearing The Hats
- play_arrowEps 18: An Old Flame With a New Wick
- play_arrowEps 19: I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You
- play_arrowEps 20: Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark
- play_arrowEps 21: No Sniffing, No Wowing
- play_arrowEps 22: My Doctor has a Cow Puppet
- play_arrowEps 23: Just Like Buffalo
- play_arrowEps 24: Can You Feel My Finger?
Season 2 - Sep. 20, 2004
- play_arrowEps 1: Back Off Mary Poppins
- play_arrowEps 2: Enjoy Those Garlic Balls
- play_arrowEps 3: A Bag Full of Jawea
- play_arrowEps 4: Go Get Mommy's Bra
- play_arrowEps 5: Bad News from the Clinic
- play_arrowEps 6: The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance
- play_arrowEps 7: A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana
- play_arrowEps 8: Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers
- play_arrowEps 9: Yes, Monsignor
- play_arrowEps 10: The Salmon Under My Sweater
- play_arrowEps 11: Last Chance to See Those Tattoos
- play_arrowEps 12: A Lungful of Alan
- play_arrowEps 13: Get Off My Hair
- play_arrowEps 14: Those Big Pink Things with Coconut
- play_arrowEps 15: Smell the Umbrella Stand
- play_arrowEps 16: Can You Eat Human Flesh With Wooden Teeth?
- play_arrowEps 17: Woo-Hoo, A Hernia-Exam!
- play_arrowEps 18: It Was Mame, Mom
- play_arrowEps 19: A Low, Gutteral Tongue-Flapping Noise
- play_arrowEps 20: I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey
- play_arrowEps 21: A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On
- play_arrowEps 22: That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother
- play_arrowEps 23: Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab
- play_arrowEps 24: Does This Smell Funny to You?
Season 3 - Sep. 19, 2005
- play_arrowEps 1: Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts
- play_arrowEps 2: Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover
- play_arrowEps 3: Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark
- play_arrowEps 4: Your Dismissive Attidude Towards Boobs
- play_arrowEps 5: We Called It Mr. Pinky
- play_arrowEps 6: Hi, Mr. Horned One
- play_arrowEps 7: Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop
- play_arrowEps 8: That Voodoo That I Do Do
- play_arrowEps 9: Madame and Her Special friend
- play_arrowEps 10: Something Salted and Twisted
- play_arrowEps 11: Santa's Village of the Damned
- play_arrowEps 12: That Special Tug
- play_arrowEps 13: Humiliation is a Visual Medium
- play_arrowEps 14: Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded
- play_arrowEps 15: My Tongue is Meat
- play_arrowEps 16: Ergo, The Booty Call
- play_arrowEps 17: The Unfortunate Little Schnauser
- play_arrowEps 18: The Spit-Covered Cobbler
- play_arrowEps 19: Golly Moses, She's A Muffin
- play_arrowEps 20: Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro
- play_arrowEps 21: And the Plot Moistens
- play_arrowEps 22: Just Once With Aunt Sophie
- play_arrowEps 23: Arguments for the Quickie
- play_arrowEps 24: That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite
Season 4 - Sep. 18, 2006
- play_arrowEps 1: Working for Caligula
- play_arrowEps 2: Who's Vod Kanockers?
- play_arrowEps 3: The Sea is a Harsh Mistress
- play_arrowEps 4: A Pot Smoking Monkey
- play_arrowEps 5: A Live Woman of Proven Fertility
- play_arrowEps 6: Apologies for the Frivolity
- play_arrowEps 7: Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head
- play_arrowEps 8: Release the Dogs
- play_arrowEps 9: Corey's Been Dead For an Hour
- play_arrowEps 10: Kissing Abraham Lincoln
- play_arrowEps 11: Walnuts and Demerol
- play_arrowEps 12: Castrating Sheep in Montana
- play_arrowEps 13: Don't Worry, Speed Racer
- play_arrowEps 14: That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami
- play_arrowEps 15: My Damn Stalker
- play_arrowEps 16: Young People Have Phlegm Too
- play_arrowEps 17: I Merely Slept With a Commie
- play_arrowEps 18: It Never Rains in Hooterville
- play_arrowEps 19: Smooth as a Ken Doll
- play_arrowEps 20: Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot
- play_arrowEps 21: Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous
- play_arrowEps 22: Mr. McGlue's Feedbag
- play_arrowEps 23: Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-lookin
- play_arrowEps 24: Prostitutes and Gelato
Season 5 - Sep. 24, 2007
- play_arrowEps 1: Large Birds, Spiders and Mom
- play_arrowEps 2: Media Room Slash Dungeon
- play_arrowEps 3: Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo
- play_arrowEps 4: City of Great Racks
- play_arrowEps 5: Putting Swim Fins on a Cat
- play_arrowEps 6: Help Daddy Find His Toenail
- play_arrowEps 7: The Leather Gear is in the Guest Room
- play_arrowEps 8: Is There a Mrs. Waffles?
- play_arrowEps 9: Shoes, Hats, Pickle, Jar Lids.
- play_arrowEps 10: Kinda Like Necrophilia
- play_arrowEps 11: Meander to Your Dander
- play_arrowEps 12: A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh
- play_arrowEps 13: The Soil is Moist
- play_arrowEps 14: Winky-Dink Time
- play_arrowEps 15: Rough Night in Hump Junction (aka His Ugly Bundle)
- play_arrowEps 16: Look At Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty
- play_arrowEps 17: Fish in a Drawer
- play_arrowEps 18: If My Hole Could Talk
- play_arrowEps 19: Waiting for the Right Snapper
Season 6 - Sep. 22, 2008
- play_arrowEps 1: Taterhead is Our Love Child
- play_arrowEps 2: Pie Hole, Herb
- play_arrowEps 3: Damn You, Eggs Benedict
- play_arrowEps 4: The Flavin' and the Mavin'
- play_arrowEps 5: A Jock Strap in Hell
- play_arrowEps 6: It's Always Nazi Week (1)
- play_arrowEps 7: Best H.O. Money Can Buy
- play_arrowEps 8: Pinocchio's Mouth
- play_arrowEps 9: The Mooch At The Boo
- play_arrowEps 10: He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited
- play_arrowEps 11: The Devil's Lube
- play_arrowEps 12: Thank God for Scoliosis
- play_arrowEps 13: I Think You Offended Don
- play_arrowEps 14: David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie
- play_arrowEps 15: I'd Like to Start With the Cat
- play_arrowEps 16: She'll Still Be Dead At Halftime
- play_arrowEps 17: The 'Ocu' Or The 'Pado'?
- play_arrowEps 18: My Son's Enormous Head
- play_arrowEps 19: The Two Finger Rule
- play_arrowEps 20: Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau
- play_arrowEps 21: Above Exalted Cyclops
- play_arrowEps 22: Sir Lancelot's Litter Box
- play_arrowEps 23: Good Morning, Mrs. Butterworth
- play_arrowEps 24: Baseball with Better Steroids
Season 7 - Sep. 21, 2009
- play_arrowEps 1: 818-jklpuzo
- play_arrowEps 2: Whipped Unto the Third Generation
- play_arrowEps 3: Mmm, Fish. Yum.
- play_arrowEps 4: Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator
- play_arrowEps 5: For the Sake of the Child
- play_arrowEps 6: Give Me Your Thumb
- play_arrowEps 7: Untainted by Filth
- play_arrowEps 8: Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.
- play_arrowEps 9: Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair
- play_arrowEps 10: That's Why They Call It Ball Room
- play_arrowEps 11: Warning, It's Dirty
- play_arrowEps 12: Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste
- play_arrowEps 13: Yay, No Polyps!
- play_arrowEps 14: Crude and Uncalled For (1)
- play_arrowEps 15: Aye, Aye, Captain Douche (2)
- play_arrowEps 16: Tinkle Like a Princess
- play_arrowEps 17: I Found Your Moustache
- play_arrowEps 18: Ixnay on the Oggie Day
- play_arrowEps 19: Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave
- play_arrowEps 20: I Called Him Magoo
- play_arrowEps 21: Gumby with a Pokey
- play_arrowEps 22: This is Not Gonna End Well
Season 8 - Sep. 20, 2010
- play_arrowEps 1: Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud
- play_arrowEps 2: A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer
- play_arrowEps 3: A Pudding-Filled Cactus
- play_arrowEps 4: Hookers, Hookers, Hookers
- play_arrowEps 5: The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel
- play_arrowEps 6: Twanging Your Magic Clanger
- play_arrowEps 7: The Crazy Bitch Gazette
- play_arrowEps 8: Springtime on a Stick
- play_arrowEps 9: A Good Time In Central Africa
- play_arrowEps 10: Ow, Ow, Don't Stop
- play_arrowEps 11: Dead From the Waist Down
- play_arrowEps 12: Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead
- play_arrowEps 13: Skunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup
- play_arrowEps 14: Lookin' for Japanese Subs
- play_arrowEps 15: Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak
- play_arrowEps 16: That Darn Priest
Season 9 - Sep. 19, 2011
- play_arrowEps 1: Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt
- play_arrowEps 2: People Who Love Peepholes
- play_arrowEps 3: Big Girls Don't Throw Food
- play_arrowEps 4: Nine Magic Fingers
- play_arrowEps 5: A Giant Cat Holding Churro
- play_arrowEps 6: The Squat and The Hover
- play_arrowEps 7: Those Fancy Japanese Toilets
- play_arrowEps 8: Thank You For The Intercourse
- play_arrowEps 9: Frodo's Headshots
- play_arrowEps 10: Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes
- play_arrowEps 11: A Lovely Landing Strip
- play_arrowEps 12: One False Move, Zimbabwe!
- play_arrowEps 13: Slowly and in a Circular Fashion
- play_arrowEps 14: A Possum on Chemo
- play_arrowEps 15: The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack
- play_arrowEps 16: Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy
- play_arrowEps 17: Not In My Mouth
- play_arrowEps 18: The War Against Gingivitis
- play_arrowEps 19: Palmdale, Ech
- play_arrowEps 20: Grandma's Pie
- play_arrowEps 21: Mr. Hose Says Yes
- play_arrowEps 22: Why We Gave Up Women
- play_arrowEps 23: The Straw In My Donut Hole
- play_arrowEps 24: Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!
Season 10 - Sep. 27, 2012
- play_arrowEps 1: I Changed My Mind About the Milk
- play_arrowEps 2: A Big Bag of Dog
- play_arrowEps 3: Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt
- play_arrowEps 4: You Do Know What The Lollipop Is For
- play_arrowEps 5: That's Not What They Call It In Amsterdam
- play_arrowEps 6: Ferrets, Attack!
- play_arrowEps 7: Avoid the Chinese Mustard
- play_arrowEps 8: Something My Gynecologist Said
- play_arrowEps 9: I Scream When I Pee
- play_arrowEps 10: One Nut Johnson
- play_arrowEps 11: Give Santa a Tail-Hole
- play_arrowEps 12: Welcome to Alancrest
- play_arrowEps 13: Grab A Feather And Get In Line
- play_arrowEps 14: Run Steven Staven! Run!
- play_arrowEps 15: Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It
- play_arrowEps 16: Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby
- play_arrowEps 17: Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries
- play_arrowEps 18: The 9:04 From Pemberton
- play_arrowEps 19: Big Episode: Someone Stole a Spoon
- play_arrowEps 20: Bazinga! That's From a TV Show
- play_arrowEps 21: Another Night With Neil Diamond
- play_arrowEps 22: My Bodacious Vidalia
- play_arrowEps 23: Cows, Prepare to Be Tipped
Season 11 - Sep. 26, 2013
- play_arrowEps 1: Nangnangnangnang
- play_arrowEps 2: I Think I Banged Lucille Ball
- play_arrowEps 3: This Unblessed Biscuit
- play_arrowEps 4: Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank
- play_arrowEps 5: Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003
- play_arrowEps 6: Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants
- play_arrowEps 7: Some Kind of Lesbian Zombie
- play_arrowEps 8: Mr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room.
- play_arrowEps 9: Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer
- play_arrowEps 10: On vodka, on soda, on blender, on Mixer!
- play_arrowEps 11: Tazed In The Lady Nuts
- play_arrowEps 12: Baseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball.
- play_arrowEps 13: Bite Me, Supreme Court
- play_arrowEps 14: Three Fingers of Creme de Menthe
- play_arrowEps 15: Cab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin
- play_arrowEps 16: How to Get Rid of Alan Harper
- play_arrowEps 17: Welcome Home, Jake
- play_arrowEps 18: West Side Story
- play_arrowEps 19: Daddy's Got a Healthy Flavor Stick
- play_arrowEps 20: Lotta Delis in Little Armenia
- play_arrowEps 21: Dial 1-900-Mix-A-Lot
- play_arrowEps 22: Oh, WALD-E, Good Times Ahead
Season 12 - Oct. 30, 2014
- play_arrowEps 1: The Ol' Mexican Spinach
- play_arrowEps 2: A Chic Bar in Ibiza
- play_arrowEps 3: Glamping in a Yurt
- play_arrowEps 4: Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-Eight
- play_arrowEps 5: Oontz. Oontz. Oontz.
- play_arrowEps 6: Alan Shot a Little Girl
- play_arrowEps 7: Sex with an Animated Ed Asner
- play_arrowEps 8: Family, Bublé, Deep-Fried Turkey
- play_arrowEps 9: Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, Lyndsey
- play_arrowEps 10: Here I Come, Pants!
- play_arrowEps 11: For Whom the Booty Calls
- play_arrowEps 12: A Beer Battered Rip-Off
- play_arrowEps 13: Boompa Loved His Hookers
- play_arrowEps 14: Don't Give a Monkey a Gun
- play_arrowEps 15: Of Course He's Dead (1)
Two and a Half Men Season 4 Episode 8
Alan suffers from insomnia. He visits his psychiatrist (Jane Lynch), who reveals that the cause of Alan’s sleepless nights is his jealousy towards Charlie, and his inability to glide through life.